Adventures with BigEye

Eye 9
Photo by Oyvind Solstad

Quite a few days last week, when I needed to write a blog post, I found myself wandering around the house looking for something to get rid of.  There were things everywhere, but nothing jumped out and said, “Set me free!”

Tonight, on the other hand, I decluttered things without meaning to do so.  I had decided to sort through my old makeup bags to see if there were any good makeup brushes for Quinland’s future use.  I found myself throwing away old mascara, testing eye pencils to see if they still worked (they didn’t; too old and dry), and just clearing out everything ridiculous.

Except for dress-up events (and my own wedding), I haven’t worn makeup since 1991.  That was the year I was diagnosed with BigEye.

When my left eye first started to get big, I didn’t realize it was BigEye at all.  I thought my eye was drying out — it felt like one of David’s old twenty-sided dice, all corners and edges — and I started to put drops in it during the day to keep it moist.  Pretty soon, though, the signs were obvious: small children would stop me in the supermarket and say, “That eye is going to fall right out of your head!” or “Look at me with both your eyes!”

You see, by this time, my right eye was reduced to a slit.  As most people know, the muscles in your eyelids can move involuntarily (blinking), voluntarily (winking), or reflexively (closing your eyes when you see an object coming toward you).  It is a little-known fact that, when it comes to involuntary movement, your brain must send messages to both your eyelids simultaneously.  If one of your eyelids is really wide open (because it can’t close properly over the BigEye), your brain is screaming to your eyelids, “Close! Close!”  The one over the BigEye can’t — it is trapped — but the other eyelid does its job efficiently and well.  It may even do its job a bit too well…

So I had one eye trapped open wide and one eye dutifully answering the call to close.  At this point, I visited an ophthalmologist.  His pronouncement: “Protruding eyes are usually caused by a condition called Graves Disease, which manifests as a result of severe hyperthyroidism.  However, you can’t have Graves Disease, for two reasons.  First, you have hypothyroidism, the exact opposite condition.  Second, you only have one protruding eye, and Graves Disease affects both eyes. (He was wrong about this, incidentally.)  I suspect a tumor behind the eye is pushing it out.”

Tune in next time for more Adventures with BigEye!  Hear about the weeks-long wait for an MRI to rule out a tumor!  Ponder the mysteries of orbital decompression!

  • {Clutter} released: A decent pile of old makeup.  There’s something that was taking up space that will never be missed!  (I did find a few nice brushes to set aside for Q.)
  • {Perfectionism} released: It is David’s birthday.  I have not done anything remarkable for him, but I have let him know I love him.

3 thoughts on “Adventures with BigEye

  1. I can hardly wait for episode 2 of “Adventures with BigEye!” The story is gripping, the children – direct, the eye – big!
    Wish I had something very supportive to say, the only thing I can think of is: Thanks for the laugh! Excellent story telling skills. Maybe children’s book in your future on Adventures with BigEye?


    1. “The eye – big!” Thank YOU for the laugh!

      Now all we need is a fight to the death and it would be the most popular children’s book of all time… (“Fight to the death? This is canteen – I work here!”)


  2. The first rule of fight to the death is, we don’t talk about fight to the death.
    The second rule of fight to the death is, we DON’T talk about fight to the death.
    The third rule is, if this is your first time to fight to the death, you have to fight. Big eye or no.


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