Katie Bower, who blogs at my favorite blog (Bower Power), is consistently hilarious and honest and beautiful. Inside and out. She was sad today because she’s been trying to get pregnant for a year. She didn’t want tips or pity or advice… she just wanted to vent. I wrote a long comment on her blog just now, which may or may not ever get published, but I’ve decided to share it here. Because even if I will never be that drop-dead gorgeous or as quick with the celebrity analogy, I want to be just as honest. It could just be oversharing, I know. But hey, I do that in real life, as well.
What I said to Katie:
I am so sad for you, and I am 100% supportive on the whole cranky thing. I am soooooo not going to say, “Just relax; it will happen.” I have a 13-year-old and baby #2 never happened. A few years back, I had to have a hysterectomy, and with a husband who does not believe that adoption is right for our family, it will never happen. I have a daughter who aches for that sibling as much as I do, who burst into tears the day she realized she will never be an aunt… and it isn’t going to happen. But I have to trust that God’s plans are right for me, that of course he knew I would be getting this rats’n frats’n MS – he gave me the most special kind! – and that I would have as much as I could handle dealing with that. And it’s not as though he hasn’t blessed me: I have a loving husband, a beautiful child, a wonderful supportive family. Yep, I have all those things AND an ache in my heart that will probably always be there. Maybe they are there to help me through it.
You know, I always tell Quinland that everyone has a challenge in their life, even the people who seem to have it all going perfectly. I guess I need to listen to myself. Maybe this ache for a larger family is just my hidden challenge. I hope it is only a temporary one for you, but maybe you’re going through it now, and sharing it, to help someone else with their situation… or to prepare you for a different situation in your future…
Edited: I deleted a bunch of stuff. See my next post for details.
- I’m grateful! for my loving husband, my beautiful child, and my wonderful supportive family. Love you guys!
- I’m lighter! I wrote a gazillion lists for the Europe trip: stuff to pack, stuff to fix on the house before we leave, stuff to tell/show Greg about the house, medical appointments to have before we go, people to contact over there, ducks to get into a row. I also called and got info on COBRA medical coverage and did three loads of laundry. Whew!