I was up above it; now I’m down in it.

I’ve had a really hard weekend. Plenty of tears. Plenty of self-recrimination.

I’ve got a definition for that:

self-recrimination (noun)
a blaming of oneself, esp. a remorseful or persistent blaming

Ah, yes. The persistent and remorseful blaming. I am an expert at that. And for good reason, too: I am constantly doing things wrong.

What is this “wrong” that I am doing? Once again, it boils down to a few simple but deadly faults: missing appointments; forgetting commitments; letting people down. I mixed up the times of a cookie booth our troop was signed up for, leaving my co-leader and her child stranded at a store with nothing to sell. This could be an expensive mistake if we don’t get the cookies sold… and it’s all my fault. My kind friends and family are reassuring me that it will all work out, and it may; but it was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me right now.

We have so much to do before the trip. One week from this moment, we will be spending the last night in our house before we go on a six-month trip. We have pared down the “Must Do” list to about 40 things and have assigned them to days. There is a second list titled “Things We Hope We Get Done” and one titled “Things That Probably Won’t Get Done.” Those lists are much longer, and it’s hard not to get discouraged.

You didn’t think I’d let you go without the song, did you?

Daily Check-In:

  • I’m grateful! for the therapist who is teaching me an exercise program for the trip.
  • I’m lighter! by endless amounts of paper from the office and countless to-do tasks.

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