still releasing…

NaBloPoMo Day 28:
How do you feel about the first blog post you ever wrote?

The very first blog post I ever wrote was the introduction to the forerunner of this blog: Breathe. Release. Repeat.

It was July 26, 2011. I’d had a major relapse of what they’d thought was Transverse Myelitis but were now convinced was Multiple Sclerosis. I was pretty freaked out. I’d decided to try to change my life by letting go of anything that was no longer needed.

It occurred to me on the [massage] table this week that I am trying to dodge pain in more than just this one area of my life.  I have decided to make it my mission to breathe and release everything that has been holding me down:  Clutter.  Stress.  Perfectionism.  Worry about my health.  Excess body fat.  Unrealistic expectations.  It’s time to let it all go.

As I shed many things, my life changed. I sold off a ton of possessions (probably about a quarter to a third of everything we had); I took a leave of absence from work to live and travel in Europe with David and Quinland; I lost 30 pounds. I became cautiously optimistic about having MS; there is no way to know if and when it will strike me down, but I’ve kind of learned to roll with those times. On good weeks, I can truly forget that there are bad weeks.

Of course, in the two-and-a-half years since that first post, life has reared its head and wiped out a lot of my progress. I still have a terrible habit of buying books, and they are overflowing my bookshelves once again. I have really been stressed at work and it has had a big impact on my health. I’ve gained back 20 of the 30 pounds I lost.

But I have recommitted to my original goals. I want, more than anything, to keep in my life only that which supports me, so it’s good to look back on this first post and see where I started.


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