I’ve decided that I have to break up with my phone. We’ve been sleeping together for far too long, and it is disrupting my sleep and my health and my sanity.
I have all sorts of “reasons” why I need to have the phone in my hand until the moment I fall asleep:
- I like to read before I go to bed, using the Kindle app;
- It helps distract me from the CPAP when I first put it on, until I get used to the breathing pattern; and
- The phone is actually my alarm clock, so I need to have it right there with me.
Obviously, all of these — while true — are just excuses. All of them can be easily overcome. I could read actual books before bed, which would actually tire me out instead of energizing me as the light from the phone does. I could meditate when I put the CPAP on, which would help me get to sleep, rather than keeping me up. Last, but not least, I could just use an actual old-school alarm clock.
Enter Vader. Darth Vader. Lord Vader. He can kill you with a single thought. (Sir Lord Vader? Sir Lord Darth Vader? Sir Lord Baron Von Vaderham? The Death Star? He runs the Death Star.)
I found him at Goodwill today. He has a nice loud alarm that gets progressively more annoying if you don’t turn it off. Although I wish he made traditional Vader breathing noises, he has another nifty feature: you can snooze him (or just light up the clock face) by pressing down on his head like a Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robot.
Lego Darth Vader shall be my new bedside friend and I shall plug my phone in elsewhere. David will no longer be faced with having to pry the phone out of my clenched fist in my sleep. I will get good rest. I will feel better and the sun will shine and the world will be filled with joy.
Death by tray it shall be.