Watch me pull a blog post out of my hat.
I have been away for a while. Away from the blog, away from my friends, away — to a great degree — from being an active participant in my life.
It’s hard to come back. Hard to explain what was going on, hard to reconnect, hard to make the multiple daily decisions to step out and not retreat.
Many days over the past six months, I have not wanted to come back. Not to any of it.
Other times, it seems like things are on an upward trajectory, like I’m making progress, like the end of this is in sight. I have not determined why this happens, or how; I am glad when I feel better, and devastated when I slip back down again.
I have decided to keep making the attempt, though. I’ve been working on reminding myself of all the things I love, all the people I miss, all the reasons that life is worth truly living. Trying to see the blue sky reflected in the puddle that is left from all this rain.
So here I am.