“I miss writing,” I blurted.
“What made you bring that up all of a sudden?”
“I have a blog, and I used to write almost every day. It wasn’t anything really important; it was just about my life — but it was as if I could figure things out by writing about them. I miss that.”
We’d been talking about my years as an elementary-school teacher (so I could understand the confusion), but my mind suddenly took a detour from thoughts of teaching — to having had melanoma the last year I taught — to my MS diagnosis a decade later and the stress that came with it — to how I’d wanted to release everything that was holding me down.
I started blogging back in 2011 to help me make sense of some unsettling changes, to give me a place to work out what was happening and what I was trying to do with my life. Posting daily was not a chore or a responsibility; it was practically a compulsion (I jumped out of bed more than once when I realized I hadn’t posted), but one I really enjoyed. I wrote every day for months; then every other day for almost a year. But I got caught up in what it meant to be a “blogger” (back when that meant something to many people), and since that wasn’t the sort of writing I was doing, I kind of lost the magic of writing for myself — and the dwindling post count showed it.
I posted exactly once in 2019. This past year has been a hard one for me, but I am planning to be very kind to myself in 2020, so I am going to give myself the gift of stress-free blogging. Let’s see if it helps me make sense of my life as I get back into really living it again.
Thank you for sharing the journey with me. I can’t tell you how excited I get to see that anyone is following along. Please comment so I know you are still here!
xo – Lori
Interestingly enough, I was singing with my family way back when this blog began, and we broke out SingStar just last night to welcome the new year in. (There’s no celebration that can’t be improved by belting out some New Wave tunes. It’s a scientific fact.)
I saw a really cool idea for bloggers here, called the A to Z Challenge. In the month of April, you blog 26 times on a single theme, with each post referring to one letter of the alphabet. Unfortunately, I did not hear about it in time for the “official” challenge, but hey! There are still more than 26 days left in April! I can still do it on my own!
I have decided that my theme is going to be “Living with Multiple Sclerosis.” Don’t worry — I’ll do my best not to write a bunch of boring medical stuff. It will be more about the little ways in which I am reminded that MS is a constant in my life, kind of a behind-the-curtain look, if you will.
So fasten your seatbelts and hold on to your hats and glasses — we are off!
I didn’t post on Thursday (Thanksgiving), as I spent the whole day with family and friends and decided to go to bed at a reasonable hour.
I didn’t post on Friday, as I spent the whole day in bed. I swear, I was narcoleptic. I couldn’t even read, as my eyes would just droop shut and I would drop the phone on my face. Instead, I had a sleeping cat on my chest and a sleeping dog on my legs and there we stayed until late in the afternoon. I did get up and get dressed to go to dinner with Mitch and Nicole (at a fantastic but very spendy restaurant called Xico on SE Division). We played a game called Wordigo after dinner, and, again, I decided to sleep after that instead of blogging.
Still… I was frustrated with myself. I’d made a commitment to post every single day in November! I couldn’t just casually miss two days in a row! But I snapped back to rational thought and decided it is better to do what I need to do to take care of myself than to arbitrarily set a goal and pursue it blindly. My whole plan is meant to be motivating, not punishing! I want to end this month excited about blogging, not feeling like I have failed.
Because, honestly, I enjoy this blog a lot more when I post often but without guilt. I’m aware that it is just a rambling monologue about my life, but that’s okay; some people will be interested, some won’t. But if I’m not interested in coming here, we have a problem!
Right now, I’m very interested. Love you all.