Let sleeping girls lie

I’ve been feeling like the most underwhelming blogger lately.  There are so many blogs out there that educate or focus on a particular topic or “add value” to their readers’ lives, while this blog is just a glimpse into my life and my thoughts, and lately that’s felt pretty darn boring. Being sick and tired isn’t really glamorous, you know!

But it’s obvious that this blog is about me, and I can only assume that anyone reading has at least a passing interest in that topic. So I’m going to keep plugging away.

That said, I should let you know: My past is catching up with me.

Not some nefarious past, just the past couple of weeks of travel and illness and stress. It’s funny, really, the way you don’t realize how tired you have actually become until you just collapse.

I came up to Camas to spend the day at Danny and Heidi’s, but after a couple of hours, I started feeling unwell and decided to lie down for twenty minutes  or so. HA! I woke up hours later, totally disoriented. When I asked why no one woke me up, Kaitlin told me that she’d tried, but after talking to me and shaking me hadn’t worked, it seemed better just to let me sleep.

Luckily, I got up in time to call Central Bark, where Bonesy was spending the day, to arrange for him to spend the night, as well. I managed to stay awake long enough to eat some dinner, but then promptly fell back to sleep once again.

Spotted outside Los Potrillos, where Danny took me to get food. I was greatly amused.

It’s 4:00 AM now. I’m awake, but just barely, and mostly because I fell asleep while typing this and the phone fell out of my hands and hit the floor with a loud BOOM that scared the bejesus out of me. I still feel like I could sleep all day and not feel any more rested.

Too much, too little, too late

What a week this has been! Flying home from California, seeing Hudson Taylor, being continuously sick . . . All of it has done a number on my sleep.

And I need sleep. Of course, everyone does, but combine multiple sclerosis with any kind of infection and all bets are off. The fatigue I normally feel is much worse when my immune system is working overtime, trying to defeat the bacteria. Right now, the fatigue I feel is profound.

It’s all coming to a head today. I was sleep-typing at work while my boss stood over me doing dictation. I crashed after work while reading the news (and missed a dinner appointment). I fell asleep before writing a blog post (and I keep falling asleep while doing so, then waking up and finding I’ve typed “Xxx_f_th yt? Steerĝ.”)

It’s too much. I need to prioritize sleep until I get caught up. I need to lie down and go to sleep now. I need to alter my plans for this weekend, to get some extra sleep in:

  • Do paperwork. Nap.
  • Throw dirt into a hole. Nap.
  • Walk dog. Nap.
  • Run dishwasher. Nap.
  • Throw more dirt into a hole. Nap. (Yeah, I’ll admit it. My life is pretty boring.)

Let’s see if this can get me back on track! There are tasks to accomplish, dogs to love, and a giant hole in the front yard that’s not going to fill itself.

Edited to add: So I walked outside this morning and the giant hole had filled itself. Well, not exactly; Deb came over after her run, while I was still asleep, and filled the hole. That girl is way too good to me; she’d qualify as the very best friend in the world if she never picked up a shovel on my behalf, and the fact that she did that brings tears to my eyes.

I told you I’m surrounded by wonderful people!

I’m leaving you for Darth Vader

I’ve decided that I have to break up with my phone. We’ve been sleeping together for far too long, and it is disrupting my sleep and my health and my sanity.

I have all sorts of “reasons” why I need to have the phone in my hand until the moment I fall asleep:

  • I like to read before I go to bed, using the Kindle app;
  • It helps distract me from the CPAP when I first put it on, until I get used to the breathing pattern; and
  • The phone is actually my alarm clock, so I need to have it right there with me.

Obviously, all of these — while true — are just excuses. All of them can be easily overcome. I could read actual books before bed, which would actually tire me out instead of energizing me as the light from the phone does. I could meditate when I put the CPAP on, which would help me get to sleep, rather than keeping me up. Last, but not least, I could just use an actual old-school alarm clock.

Enter Vader. Darth Vader. Continue reading “I’m leaving you for Darth Vader”